Day Eight: Three turn ons

1. Honesty

2. Sense of humor

3. Good smile (every girl loves a great smile right?! :P)

Day Seven: Four turn offs

1. Lying

2. Disloyalty

3. Lack in respect (towards others & themselves)

4. Lack in confidence

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1. My Mom

2. My brother Jory

3. My nephew Dominic

4. My niece Kiyana

5. My best bud Leti

(there are several more people that belong on this list but I was only supposed to name five...so there ya go, no offense to anyone who is not on it....you all mean the world to me! :D)

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done

1. Quit

2. Given up

3. Let go

4. Held on

5. Lost touch

6. Waited

(It's vague, I know...that's how I wanted it.)

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot

1. What my kids will be like (when I have them :P)

2. Where I will actually end up "settling down"

3. If [you] will ever come back into my life

4. If I'll ever get to travel like I want to

5. Owning my own business

6. What my friends think of me

7. If I'll actually be able to "make it" in my profession

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart

1. Make me laugh

2. Let me be my quiet self when I need to be

3. Be honest

4. Spend time with me

5. Consider me your equal...not your "better half"

6. Do something spontaneous once in awhile....something to catch me off guard

7. Write little notes....I love random little notes

8. Know what you want and be willing to go after it....I have such respect for those who know what they want

Day Two: Nine things about yourself

1. I am a very loyal person. It takes awhile to gain my loyalty however it doesn't take much to lose it; once it's lost it's even harder to gain it back.

2. I'm a picky eater. It's easier to list the foods I do like as opposed to the foods I don't. :P

3. I absolutely love photography (especially black & white) and I will make it my career....no matter how many people tell me it's a "dying" profession.

4. I can't wait to start school...again. :P

5. My family means the world to me.

6. There is only one place in the entire world I want to visit before I die....Ireland.

7. I can't wait until the day I become a mother. I hope I'm good at it.

8. I'm a very firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Though 90% of the time we have no idea what that reason may be.

9. If I am told I can't do something I strive even harder to prove that I can.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

1. I know you're not tellin' me even 3/4 of the things that are going on....but I hope you're being safe and know that we're all behind you 110%! And of course I freaking miss your face! :P

2. I wish you would have never walked away. I still wish I could pick up the phone and call you to tell you what's going on....I don't think I'll ever stop missing you.

3. I can't wait to see you're happy face!

4. I can't wait to hear you "talk"! :P

5. I'm stoked to come party it up with you! We're gonna have a blast!

6. You're my greatest support! Through the good and the bad you've always been on my side and I can never never never say thank you enough! Love you!

7. You make me smile. Plain and simple. I just wish you would realize just how happy you make me.

8. I am here for you. I always will be. But I'm not sure you want me to be.

9. I wish I had just a quarter of the guts and ambition you have. Whether you know it or not....you're gonna make it so far and do amazing things in your life! Keep livin' it up for the rest of us stuck in the triangle. ;)

10. I love our totally random 2 hour talks about nothing. You're one of the best people I know and I'm so far beyond lucky to have you as my friend.....and therapist. :P

good day!

First off....I'm in a blogging mood....so that's why there are going to be at least 3 posts today...just so you're fair warned. :P

Today was great! My roommate asked me to take some engagement pictures for her and it was so fun! :D I posted some of my favorites (previous post) but I hope they found some that they liked and can use! :) We took I think around 500.....guess that's how it goes when you don't have to reload film and have a massive SD card. :P Oh, but it was soooo much fun and it makes me excited for school and to actually get into it more! :D Good good times!


So this next week at work is "supposed" to be mad busy. We've picked up this last week but I don't really know just how busy we're going to get. :S Oh well. I just want it to go by fast so I can go home next week! :D I was home in October of course but I'm just super excited to go home for Christmas this year! :D *can't wait* 


Well that's all I've really got for today. :D Hope you all have a good one!! :D

Varia & Mike--Engagements

Day 30--Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days

Well it's been more than 30 days since I actually started this challenge....but I think I've grown a little bit more appreciative of what I have. What I'm going for. There are thoudands of people that have it worse than I do and I've come to realize that what I have is good. :D So while it's not much, I have grown in that way.

Day 29--What you live for

Number 1: My family. They are the most important part of my life. Without them, I am nothing. ♥ them. :D

Number 2: My friends. I have few close friends but the ones I do have are the greatest and I owe them so much. They've been through alot with me over the years and I will always be grateful for the wonderful people that they are. :D

Number 3: The little things. The small things are what make me realize what is important in life. Simple as that. :D

good morning!

The view from my room this morning! Sooooooo pretty! I love it! :D



Sunset--Nov. 19, 2010

This was the sunset outside the University store the other night. Devon and I were talking waiting to close up and he looked outside and said "Whoa! Grab a camera!" So we both did and ran out front and took some pictures. :D A few mintues later a customer pulled up so we walked back inside and when the lady came in she asked what we were taking pictures of. We both just said "The sunset!" She turned around and looked and said "Oh, yeah. That is pretty." It never ceases to amaze me how often people bypass beauty everyday in our "busy" lives.

Day 28--A moment you remember being completely happy and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness

I was hanging out, chillin in my room with Cody & Kesha. I was just sittin on the floor talking with them about who knows what, nothing important apparently; it was just a great moment. I just sat there and thought, "right now, right here, everything is good". That's as good of a description as I can give for that tiny moment in my life.

My definition of happiness goes hand in hand with my meaning of life (since I believe the meaning of life is to just be happy); do what you love, with the people you love. Take in a simple moment that seems so insignificant and make it significant. Let something as small as sitting on the floor talking with friends be a great moment of happiness.

There are so many things that have made me happy recently. I've been thinking about this post for a while because I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to write down. But I decided on one of the smallest moments and decided it was just as great as the something bigger. Why shouldn't it be? It's the little ones we all overlook. Why not make them stand out instead. :)

just a tiny update

It's been a while since I wrote anything of significance. Not that what I write is significant....but well....I think you know what I mean. So here goes nothing.


First things first, I have been accepted into the Art Institute of Salt Lake City. I'm pretty stoked about it! It's gonna be tough I'm sure (I mean it still is school) but it's what I want to do, so it'll be great.

I got to see John last week. :D It had been 3 years since we've seen each other and it was great to just hang out and spend time with a good friend. :)

Sadly that is all I really have. Glad to finally have school worked out....mostly. Still have to register for classes and get a little bit of financial aid figured out but other than that it's pretty much good to go. :P

Well there's all the excitement I've got going on. Guess I'm calling it quits for now. It'll probably be another few weeks before I write anything again. :P Maybe I'll have more to say by then. ;)

Day 27--Your definition of the meaning of life

Simply put... ...to be happy.

Do what you love. Spend all you have. Sleep all day if you want. Keep your family and friends close and don't ever hesitate to make a phone call just to say "hey!" :D Focus on the lttle things that make you smile not the big things that make you frown. And of course....LAUGH. Just because you can. :D

Day 26--Your definition of love

wanting to spend time with them, even if it's something as simple as watching the news or running errands • wishing that person all the happiness in the world, even if it's not shared with you • being comfortable in "awkward" silences • LAUGHING • talking to them about ANYTHING whether big or small, significant or insignicant, and knowing they will listen anyways • knowing that no problem is ever so big that you can't handle it together • always thinking about them • accepting flaws & admiring strengths •

There are a million other things in this world that define love....these are just a few I think define it. :D

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Day 25--Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail

Start my own business. I would love to have my own coffee shop/bookstore. I don't have the business sense for that kind of thing though. I think it would be alot of fun though nonetheless :D

Day 24--Something you did as a child that other people remember you for

When I was little I had two teeth that were growing in in the same spot so they had to take one out. Well obviously in order to do that that had to numb my mouth. So I had to get a shot. I hate shots. Okay it's not the shot I hate....it's the needle. So the nurse comes out with the novocaine needle....I swear the needle itself had to be at least 4 inches long....and I saw it....and screamed. Bloody murder. The people in the waiting room even heard me.     To this day that nurse and dentist still talk about it.    So while that may not be the coolest to be remembered for.....at least it's something. :P ;)

Day 23--Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given

I can't say that I've ever had an "awkward" first impression. Most of the time people are always like "oh, she seems like a nice, quiet girl" & well....that rings quite true. So sadly (or not so much) I don't have any funny, awkward first impression stories to share....but if I ever do I'll be sure to make note of it. :D

Day 22- Someone you would give your life up for without question

There are several people I would give my life up for without question. Any one of my family members, and I mean any one of them, immediate or otherwise. My family means the most to me, whether they know it or not. I would also give up my life for several of my friends. Leti & Damian, Mandy, Megan, Cody, Kesha, JGurr, John, KimberLee. To be completely honest if it was a situation where it was me or some other person, any other person, I'd have them take me. I think alot of it is because I wouldn't be able to let another person go when I could have saved them.

Day 21--Your favorite medium of art

Graphite definitely. I love how it looks so sketchy, not fully finished, rough. Oh and of course that it's black and white. That's the best part. :D

Day 20--A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them

Day 19--A passage from a book that has touched you

"A true souls mate is a mirror. The person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life." -- Eat, Pray, Love


After this it goes on to talk about how most people think that a soul mate is someone you are "destined" to be with. Your other half. And while sometimes that's true, it's no always the case. Sometimes your soul mate is just that person like it says, who comes in and shows you YOU and then moves on. They are an important person to you because they show you all the things you don't want to see, they knock you down and pick you back up, they come in to show you another level of yourself and then they leave. That's their purpose. And I like that. Seems reasonable to me. :D

Day 18--A picture that makes you feel

this makes me feel calm...and small....but I love it. :D (by Michael Kenna)

Day 17--What you want to remembered for

I want to be remembered for being a good person. A good person, a loyal friend, someone people could trust and knew that they could always count on when they needed something. I want to be remembered for being true to myself. But mainly I want to be remembered for being a loving daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother & grandmother (one day...on those last three :P).

Day 16--Something that you want to do within the next five years

Graduate from college. It's been 5 years since I graduated high school and I have nothing to show for it. So....I want to go back to school and actually FINISH. I never thought I'd be one who took so long to go through and graduate college. I always figured I'd do my four years fresh out of high school, be done with it and start my life....hmmmh. Guess not.

Day 15--A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most

Well I would have to say that the moment that has changed my life the most (so far anyways) would be the most obvious one as well, moving to Utah. I know I've said this probably a million times but I never pictured myself HERE a few years ago, when I graduated and was "going out into the world".  But it has changed my life....drastically....whether that's evident or not. I've met some of the best people, some of my best friends now, & I've learned alot; in general but mainly (again, so far) it's been a learning experience IN me. Towards ME and for ME. I moved out here for no one's reasons but my own. Some of those reasons are still unknown, and may always stay that way, but others are evident now. I needed to move. Plain and simple. I may not have even realized it when I left South Dakota, but I do know that much I now. It was definitely needed.

Day 14--Best mashup you’ve ever heard

Over and Over Again--Nelly & Tim Mcgraw

Okay...it may not be the "best" mash-up ever but it's definitely one of the craziest....I mean you've got an all-out country singer and a hardcore rapper....can't find anything more different than that if you ask me! :D I like how it's split screen too....so you see both sides and the differences between the two. Plus it's a good song....so there ya go. :D

for my mom :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!! I ♥ YOU!!

Day 13--A memory that never fails to make you laugh

This is a new one and it only consists of one word(that's not really a word): baisley.

Story behind this: My roommate Cici came into my room the other night with a bag of unlabeled spices and asked Kesha and I to smell it and tell her what it was. She said she couldn't remember and didn't want to use it without knowing....makes sense. So we both smell it but couldn't figure out what it was. She said maybe it was oregano but we knew it wasn't that....she then stated that she knew what it was...that "it's baisley!" She said it with such sincerity Kesha and I just busted a gut. In between the laughter Kesha says "there's no such thing as baisley, there's either parsley or basil" and continued to laugh. It was just hilarious because she was convinced that that's what it was. Ah, good times :D

to get to the point.....

I just want to put it out there that I do not want to go to work today.....at all....I'm sick of work. I want to be doing something else. Something more productive.

Day 12--Your favorite musical artist’s life story

I went for the "life story" of the whole band instead. I ♥ Linkin Park. :D

Linkin Park's Formation:
The seeds of what would become Linkin Park were sown in Southern California in 1996, when three high school friends – drummer Rob Bourdon, guitarist Brad Delson and vocalist Mike Shinoda – decided to form a band. Soon after graduation, they completed their lineup by recruiting three more members: bassist Dave Farrell, turntablist Joe Hahn and temporary lead singer Mark Wakefield. Calling themselves first SuperXero and then simply Xero, the group began recording demos but failed to garner much interest in their songs.


Finalizing the Lineup ... and the Band Name:
Xero’s lack of success spurred the departure of Wakefield, setting the stage for Chester Bennington’s arrival as the band’s frontman in 1999. The group changed their name to Hybrid Theory (a nod to the band’s hybrid sound that combined rock and rap), but after facing legal issues with another act with a similar moniker, the group chose Lincoln Park, in honor of a neighborhood park in Santa Monica, California, that the band members would pass on their way to recording sessions. But once the band discovered that others already owned that domain name online, they slightly altered their name to Linkin Park.


Instant Superstars:
Linkin Park released their first album in 2000. Hybrid Theory, a reference to the group’s rejected band name, was a massive success, becoming one of the biggest debuts of all time, selling approximately 10 million copies in the U.S. alone and spawning several hit singles like “In the End” and “Crawling.” In the process, the band became one of the most successful acts in the fledgling rap-rock movement.


Projekt Revolution:
In 2002, Linkin Park launched Projekt Revolution, a nearly annual headlining tour that brings together different bands from the worlds of hip-hop and rock for a series of concerts. Since its inception, Projekt Revolution has included diverse acts including Cypress Hill, Korn, Snoop Dogg and Chris Cornell.


Working With Jay-Z:
After the release of their popular follow-up to Hybrid Theory, 2003’s Meteora, the band collaborated with rap legend Jay-Z in 2004 on a record called Collision Course. The album capitalized on the trend of “mash-ups,” which is the construction of a new song out of the recognizable pieces of two existing songs, often from different musical genres. Collision Course, a melding of Jay-Z and Linkin Park tracks, went to the top of the Billboard album charts, proving to be one of the highest-profile mash-up projects ever.


Experimenting With a New Sound:
While Meteora represented a continuation of Hybrid Theory’s rock-meets-rap strategy and Collision Course found the group fully embracing hip-hop textures, Linkin Park’s next studio album would move away from rapping and toward atmospheric, introspective material. Though 2007’s Minutes to Midnight proved to be less commercially successful than the band's previous studio records, it still sold more than 2 million copies in the U.S. and put four singles on Billboard’s Mainstream Rock Tracks chart. In addition, the single “Shadow of the Day” enjoyed platinum sales and won the Best Rock Video award at the 2008 MTV VMAs.
(note that I did not write all this....I copied it from about.com...it was just easier and better put than I could have done :D)

Day 11--Favorite picture ever taken of yourself

not really sure why I like this picture so much....I just do. :D

slowin things down

I've reached it....never would have thought I would but here it is...plain as day, right in front of my face.....my 100th post. :D Ha...and y'all probably thought it was going to be something super exciting. Sorry to let anyone down, but I'm happy about it. Okay, honestly I don't really care....but I just noticed it so had to point it out. :D

So just to update y'all, I had an interview at a place called Portrait Innovations on Friday. I'm not getting my hopes up but it would be a great job if I did get it. I think the interview went alright from my end...who knows from their end. Just have to wait and see though. I won't know anything for probably at most two weeks. So that's that....I'll keep it in the loop, that is if I remember. :P

Random story time. I was driving behind this lady on my way home from work the other day and she was all over the road. Swerving into the turning lane and off on the shoulder. I stayed back aways needless to say. We were stopped at an intersection and I saw that she was on her phone....either texting or surfing the net...who knows. Anyways I caught myself thinking that one, that explained the crazy driving and two, why was she in such a hurry to text or talk or look up whatever it was she was thought she had to know at that moment? The next intersection she turned so she couldn't have been too far from home. But it was just buggin me that we are all in such a rush. Whatever she was doing couldn't wait another 2-5 minutes when she got home and was no longer on the road? Now I'm not saying that I haven't texted while driving, but nine times out of ten I would either wait til I was at a stoplight or completely wait until I got to wherever it was I was going. With phones being able to do what they do know it's ridiculous all the things we can get done and not have to be in an office or at home. But what's the rush? I think that was the main issue I had with the lady in front of me. Why was she in such a hurry? Why are any of us? Yes, we all need to work to live, but why is it always go go go? Why can't any of us just slow down? Take life for what it is. Not worry about what we have to get done tomorrow because we didn't get it done yesterday. I think we should all take the time to just stop and reflect on what we have already instead of always thinking about what has to be done to get to the next step, the next stage.
I don't know.....I just think we shouldn't pass something up because it's not in some "plan" we have created for ourselves to "make it". Look at what you have....and when you're happy with it, well then you've made it. It may not be what you thought you would one day have or even want, but if you're happy with it that's all that should matter. :D

Anyways. That probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense but whatever. It's just my own personal thoughts.

Day 10--A dream you had this past week described in detail

I had a dream about riding horses (makes sense...I've been wanting to go horse back riding for two weeks now).  In my dream I was riding this super gentle, young tan horse (I don't know what kind of horse it was....I'm not good with types). When I first got on this horse...they called him Bubba...he was excited and ready to go for a run. He was galloping around and having a grand old time. Surprisingly enough I knew how to handle him (in reality I don't remember the last time I was on a horse). Anyways, the main issue was that Bubba wanted to GO, but we were inside the basement of my dad's old house. Well I got him calmed down enough to just settle for walking in circles in the basement. Well because it had been forever since I had been on a horse, naturally I had to get pictures. So Carol was there (Jeanette was too and a couple other people I didn't know--I think they were horse trainers or something) so I told her to get some pictures. So she sat on the steps tothe basement and snapped away. She then decided that she was going to buy a horse of her own. She said she wanted a girl horse because boys were to much of a pain and was going to name her Codi...with an 'i' is how she said it...and in my dream and in reality I found that extremely funny. But that was what she said she wanted and then I woke up.
It was a crazy dream....and kind of comical when I woke up and thought about it. :D

Day 09--Five things you want to see change

1. All our troops to come home---I'm positive I'm not the only one who thinks so.

2. Peoples' outlook on life---so many of us (myself included half the time) focus on the bad instead of the good---yep, that definitely needs to change.

3. The road construction on I-15 through Utah and Salt Lake counties---it needs to be done---it's beyond ridiculous---sadly I think we have 2 more years to go before it's fully finished. *sigh*

4. My nephew and niece---and I mean this in the way that I want to watch them grow and change into the persons they will become. :D

5. My perception of myself. No explanation needed.

Day 08--Someone you think would make a good president

Honestly I don't think I could ever name a single person as president. It's an extrememly difficult job that I would never want to put anyone through. So I know it's lame and not much of an answer, but I don't know anyone who would make a good president.

Day 07--Favorite cover of your favorite song

been awhile, but nothing new

So much for my 30 day blog writing challenge working out....I start that and then I don't write for a week.....ah well.....it's life right?! I've just been busy, which is good. I'd even go as far as saying I have a life. :P Anyways. I've been hanging out with my roommate Kesha and our friends Rustin and Clark so my blog has sadly been neglected. It's been fun though. Going bowling, and hangin out at the parks, watchin movies...good times. It's kind of odd though. Rustin and Kesha have paired off and same goes with Clark and I. It's a good thing....they are both great guys I just didn't think....well yeah. I like Clark, he's a great guy, treats me well, always kind. He's decided to go back out on his mission. He was out for 4 months and had to come home for medical issues. And I should say that while yes he is younger than me he is 21 so it's not that much younger. Just wanted to put that out there. :P Anyways. I'm glad he's going back out because it's a good thing for him to do. I have no doubts he will help so many people. It's just timing sucks. I like him and he likes me but I already told him I wasn't going to say I'd wait for him....not that he would ask anyways....that's not his way of doing things. It's just strange. I'm glad he told me though....that he wants to go back out....I just kind of wish he would have told me sooner instead of just throwing it out in the open like he did. But yeah....I don't know what to think about it all. Just hang out, be friends and when he leaves, he leaves. Nothing I can do about it. And this all sounds totally selfish....to me anyways. Okay...moving on.

All of my loans have been deferred. :D Okay I'm still waiting on the actual paper work for one but online it says it deferred so that's a good thing. I still haven't been able to apply to AI yet but with this next paycheck that's what the first 50 bucks is going to. :D I also received an email about a job opportunity at a place called Portrait Innovations. I've requested more information about it but my biggest issue is it's still here in Provo and if I go to school in Draper, well I don't want to deal with the driving back and forth all the time. But I'm just taking it as it comes and seeing what happens.

So I don't have much else for now. Even though it's been a week I don't have much else to say. Sad I know....but what can ya do?! I will however admit that having a three-day weekend is not a good thing. I knew there was a reason why I always took my one day off in the middle of the week. For one, I'm not used to working all day, 5 days in a row and two, having a full three days with nothing to do makes going back to work tomorrow extremely difficult. :P Alright well I'm out. Hopefully I'll do better about writing this week.....I wouldn't tell anyone to hold their breath on that but yeah.....I'll try.

Day 06--Earliest thing you can remember

Okay this may not be the earliest thing I can remember but it's one of the first things that comes to mind when I think back :D

When my mom, Jory & I lived in the trailer in Pierre, we had a bunk-bed in our room. Underneath the bunk-bed Jory would build mazes and we'd climb through them. It always bothered me that he could get through them faster than I could, or without getting lost whereas I couldn't. :D It never occurred to me that of course he would know how to get through them....he built them! :P What can I say....I've always been a bit naive. :D

Day 5--A thank you to someone who has changed your life

I couldn't single out just one person to write this to so it goes to all of my family & closest friends. You have all made an impact on my life in one way or another. So I just want to say thanks to all of you for standing by me and letting me know that I have your encouragment and support (even when I do something crazy or stupid :P).

Day 4--What you imagine paradise to be like

I would have to say that my paradise would be, physically, like where I am now. Mountains and lakes close by but it's also close enough to the plains that I can get a taste of the openness when I want it as well. But I would also imagine it to be a place where I was surrounded by family and friends. The people closest to me to share in my wonderful little world. ;) :D

Day 3--Five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why

This is gonna be a hard one....I don't really have a reason for most of them....it's just because I like them. :D

1. Pieces-Red: It's a great song with amazing lyrics and composition. Plus it's one song that just really mellows me out and I could listen to it over and over without getting sick of it. :D

2. The Truth-Staind: It's another mellow song but I'd have it mainly because of one line, "So when do you decide to embrace what you hate to survive 'cause that's not what got us here" For some reason I just love that line.

3. Breathe Into Me-Red: It's the one rock song that just gets me going.

4. Echo-Trapt: Plain and simple....it's just a good song.

5. Hurricane-30 Seconds to Mars: Because I'd have to have a 30 Seconds to Mars song if I was stuck on an island solo. :P

Alright well that's that....I'm sure I could list more....but those are the top five that came to my head. :D

*happy day*

I was thinking the other day that one day I'm going to look back on my life and wish I could "re-do" my twenties. You know how people always wish they could go back to high school, do it differently? Personally I would never go back to high school, I didn't like it while I was there, why would I want to do it again?! Aaaannnywaaaays....I've realized that I wouldn't "re-do" my twenties, even if I had the choice. Granted I'm only 23 and have 7 more years of what most people call "the time of your life", but I think I've finally learned that while it may be hard, tough, or downright brutal sometimes, it's worth it. I have some of the best people in my life. From family (who has to deal with my crap cuz they are bonded by blood...sorry fam ;)) to friends (who choose to deal with my crap because, well, apparently they care or something :P) I couldn't ask for better people to be surrounded by (okay....I'm not literally surrounded by them considering I'm 1000 miles away from a majority of both family and friends....no offense to the ones who are close in proximity to me :D).
It's been a surprisingly good last few days. Not really sure why. Even work was somewhat tolerable. :P 
I'm going to admit that I'm really wishing I was back in school now. Everyone else is headed back and I miss it. I've always been a nerd though and loved school. Granted I'm not the best student (obviously, since I've been out of high school for 5 years and have nothing to show from my 3 years of college except 23k in debt....) but I'm determined this time around to finish. And considering I have finally figured out what it is I want to go into, it should be easier....ok not easier...just....better. More focused. Man I really do want to go back. I've always loved going and buying new school stuff. From notebooks and pencils to clothes & backpacks. :D Good times good times. Yeah yeah, N-E-R-D. I get it.
          *Sidenote* I love how Wells Fargo tells you you have a wait time of one minute and you're on hold for half an hour...anyways.
I just wanted to get out the fact that it's been a good few days and that I'm in a good mood. :D Actually I'm pretty sure there was something else I was going to write about....but I forgot what it was....ah well....it happens.

Day 2--Something that inspires you

I would have to say that people inspire me or more so peoples' lack in confidence in me. When someone tells me I can't do something, or that they don't believe that I will go through with something....that inspires me. It pushes me to prove to them (and myself) that I can do whatever said thing is. I may not do it right away, and I may not do it well...but I will do it.

I guess that's more of a motivation thing....but it's inspiring at the same time in my mind.

Does wanting to prove myself to others mean that I really do care what other people think of me? I've always said that I don't care. Sure I want people to like me, (it's never a good thing to find out people don't like you or think you're angry or mean or rude) but just because I want to prove someones idea or perception of me wrong doesn't mean I care....does it? To my mind it's always about wanting (or needing) to prove to myself that what they see of me is incorrect. It's not for their benefit, it's for mine. For me. To know that I am a good, kind person. Hmmm.

♥ ♥ ♥ living in the mountains!

These are just some pics of the moon I got tonight. :D not the greatest quality but I love them, okay I love the first two...the last two are just kinda there.

Day 1--Guilty Pleasure

I'd have to say that I have two guilty pleasures. One would be purses. I love purses. :D I'm not one to spend all sorts of money on one just because I want it, but I do have a lot of them....and always want more. The second would actually be just driving around. I just go and drive around, alot. It's a complete waste of gas and time but I love it all the same.

it's late....can't sleep....this is what you get....

As you can see I have posted a....well Blogger calls it a "gadget"....on the left hand side of my blog. 30 days with a short topic to write about. I stole it from Sam, who got it from Tumblr...or Google search....don't really remember which....anyways.....I plan on using that as a reason to blog....for 30 days at least....however I probably won't start it until this weekend...just because I don't really feel like it. :P

I have also changed my background....obviously. I have been craving coffee like none other lately....so there's the reason behind that one....

I have officially become a resident of Utah as of today. I am now registered to vote, have lived here for 1 consecutive year, and have a UT driver's license. Lucky me. Now I get cheaper tuition. Which is the real reason why I registered to vote here in the first place. Don't judge. Politics and I do not get along. Period.

I'm actually mad tired but just can't sleep. My body is telling me to lay down and let sleep engulf me (yes, I used the word 'engulf'....i like it) but my mind is just racing. And it doesn't seem to be about anything in particular. Which is a problem for me. I can't really pin it down what is on my mind. A million and a half things I guess....*sigh*

Talkin to my big bro right now....it' always helps :) He's my fave.....not gonna lie.

Callin it quits. Possibly. Out.

recap

So far I have one loan deferred. Two more to go. Found an apartment that I would love to have but I doubt I'll get (can't afford to move right now and not sure I'd be able to afford it when I do anyways). Still looking for jobs in the SLC area....nothing yet. Last paycheck was a bit smaller than I thought it was going to be so once again I am delayed on applying to AI. *sigh* One of these days it'll happen. Talked to my big bro for a little bit the other day. Always a good thing. :) Currently reading Eat, Pray, Love. So far it's a very good book. I didn't know it was a memoir when I decided to read it and to be honest, those aren't my favorite. But it's interesting and insightful; I think everyone should read it just because. :) Once again I have decided I need to start exercising. I have no motivation whatsoever though.... ....makes it kind of tough. I keep telling myself to just start.... ....it's not working to well.... ....again, one of these days it'll happen. Leti & Damian came down for a visit last week and it was fun. A little tiring I'll admit (that boy wears me out) but it was nice to just chill. Went to AF canyon and took some pics and got to hang out with Mason. So it was good. I guess that about covers all that's been going on the past few weeks. Exciting....not. But I just keep pushin on and doin what I gotta do. That's life right?

rain!!

I just took some kinda neat rain/cloud pics....so I figured I would post them :D

hope you all like them! :D

my stupid apartment complex

I've never really been one for parties. My apartment complex decided to have a bbq/pool party/dance tonight....music and all....i know it's a friday night and all....but seriously....the DJ is set up right outside my window (3 floors down but still)...it's loud enough that it's setting off people's car alarms! It's ridiculous! and it's going to continue til 11...it's been a long day and I didn't need this in top of it. freak. december cannot come soon enough.

.::great day::.

Today was good. Cody (finally) took me shooting. :D It was so fun! I had a blast and really hope I get to go again soon! We also went and got pizza (I know, it's kinda sad to be excited about pizza....) and it was really good. :P I also got to talk to John today. He's back from deployment and apparently things are "weird". His words, not mine. I also heard from my big bro via facebook....it's always nice. :) I miss talking to him. Which reminds me I should write him another letter. :) Anyways. I applied for deferments on 3 of my 4 student loans today so hopefully those will go through soon and I can actually start saving money and apply to AI. *fingers crossed* Anyways. It was just an all-around good day. Which was much needed. :D So just because I can, I'm throwing out a thanks to Jory, Cody & John for making it a good day.

 Had to get proof of course.

1st time shooting :D

Cody & I (he looks so happy huh?! :P)

'My' target (I found it on the ground). It had two rounds through it already...I added 9 more....not great but I had fun! :D :D

How I spent my Pioneer Day

One clean and emptied out fridge, a cleaned office building, a cleaned bedroom, a trip to the grocery store and the bank and a finished book---the day is finally over.

Today was my first Saturday off in I don't remember how long (besides my trip home). I actually don't like having Saturdays off. It drives me insane to have to go out and do my errands and stuff when there are a thousand other people out doing the same thing. Not a fan of people--for those of you who are unaware. Even just driving to the store was crazy. It was a state holiday today too, Pioneer Day...seriously?!?!...only in Utah....so that didn't help.

I had actually planned on putting a bunch of music on my computer and writing an essay today....don't know why I didn't....I could have if I would have just sat down and focused in on it....but....I have all day tomorrow...so I guess that's that.

Moving on to more exciting news.....the Asian roommate I had and deeply disliked has finally moved out. Happy day! My other roommate Kali is also moving out this week. Not so happy day. I'm a little bummed about Kali moving out. She and I have lived here the same amount of time and we get along pretty well. One of my other roommates Jennia is moving out in August too. So that leaves Varia and I and I'm actually kinda worried we're gonna end up with a bunch of messy annoying Asians....no bueno. Plus I don't know if management is going to rent out Kali's room as a private or a shared....so....yeah....we'll see how this all plays out. It may end up being a looooong few months til December hits.

Alright well....just throwing down a few words since it's been a little while. I know it's nothing exciting but hey....it's my blog...it doesn't have to be! :D :P 

Goodnight all.

welcome kiyana :D

I just have to make a quick post to say that my niece Kiyana Mckenzie Rogers was born today at 1:14pm in Florida (not exactly sure what city....). She weighed in at 5lbs 5oz and was 18 1/2 in long! :D She's got a full head of hair, long fingers and toes and she is perfect! :D I would like to wish a huge CONGRATULATIONS to Jory and Sam! I wish I could be there to see her and hold her but I'll just have to settle for pictures for now and impatiently wait for October to arrive. :D

good people are still out there

The other day our post man was telling my boss and I this story about what happened to him and his wife. About 6 weeks ago they had had 2 boys come over from Ukraine as foreign exchange students of sorts. They were both around the ages of 11 & 14 I believe. They had come to love these two boys so they went to check out how much it would be to adopt them. Total of around $40,000. Needless to say they just couldn't afford it.   *Background.... ....apparently both of these boys had been in a orphanage and I guess in the Ukraine once orphans they hit the age of 16 they are basically kicked out and left to fend for themselves. Most don't do well on their own.*   Anyways. Getting the two boys back to the airport was not pleasant. His wife was hysterically crying because she didn't want to have to send them back, and the youngest, the 11 year old, just kept saying "No Ukraine, No Ukraine" (I guess he didn't speak very good English). About a week later they were just sitting at home and he had heard the doorbell ring. He was upstairs and his wife answered. A few seconds later he heard her scream and thought maybe she had fallen going down the stairs or something. Instead she was standing at the door with an envelope in hand. Written on the outside it said "for your Christ-like actions" and inside was a check for $30,000. They have absolutely no idea who or where it came from....


It makes me happy to know that one, that that couple wanted so badly to take on these 2 boys and give them a  better life....and two, that someone else was willing to help them do it when they couldn't do it on their own.

need to clear my head

I'm hoping my vacation will help clear my head, mellow me out. I need the break..... ......bad! I just hope it's enough to get everything out... .....get my head in the game. Focus on what needs to be done. Here's hoping.

♫ I come to you in pieces, so you can make me whole ♫  yeah, that line right there means soooo much to me....

I ♥ Red! :D

in theory, in reality

I thought about you today. What I would do if you came back into my life. In theory, I would want to be happy. Happy to get my best friend back. In reality, I would be angry. Angry that you would try to just waltz right in. Like nothing was wrong, like everything was okay. But it's not okay. You walked away. And you never looked back. There are so many things that you've missed out on in my life. So many things that I've missed out in yours. In theory, I would love to spend hours, days catching up on anything and everything. In reality, I wouldn't waste the time, the effort. You went one direction, and chose not to bring me along. We wouldn't have gone the exact same path, I know that for sure. But they wouldn't have been so distanced, like they are now. I admit, I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss you.
I close myself off towards others because of you. Did you know that? That I fear that someone else will do what you did. I shouldn't think anyone else is like you, because they aren't. Which is a good thing. A bad thing. I don't want another you. But I want what you and I had, just with someone else. Is that replacing you? I hope not. You can't be replaced. I would never try to. But I'm so afraid to let that someone else in, to let them be like you. Because in the back of my mind I always think will it end like you and I did. And I don't want that either. What I'm getting at is that I need to let you go. I know that I won't, not really, not fully. But I need to let you go enough in order to hold on to that someone else. I'm sorry about how things turned out. If you ever did decide to come back, in reality, I would let you. But it would never be like it was, and I know you, of all people, would understand that. And I think that's why I'm okay with it. With letting you back in, should you want to.

I do want to let that someone else in. Badly. To show them I can, that I'm willing to. In theory, it would all be okay. He and I would be exactly how I want us to be. In reality, I don't think it would work out that way. I don't think he wants us to be that way. He and I share a similar experience. Closer than he realizes, on my part. Because I won't let him in. I won't tell him about you. He has told me about her, but every time I think about telling him about you, I choke. I close up. Because in reality I wish he and I didn't share that experience. I know it was hard on him. It's still hard on him. And it's still hard on me. Still hurts. And that's why I think in theory we would work. But in reality it may be the reason why we wouldn't.

In theory you are are nothing like each other.
In reality you are all to similar.
And that simple fact makes me smile.

just an entry

I am so sick of this heat!!! It's not fun at all.... plus it doesn't help that the air conditioner at Bulldog isn't working properly so it's not much better inside at work than it is outside. ugh! :(

I'm ready for a vacation. I'm sick of everyone giving me crap at work...plain sick of it....so my upcoming break is going to be wonderful! :D happy days are ahead of me..... .... for a little bit anyways. :)

I'm ready for a change....which is kinda strange for me. On average I don't handle change well. But I guess if I'm the one initiating the change it's better than to not see it coming. I'm not really sure what I want, (besides a new job, and a place of my own) but I want something big. Something drastic. Strange, strange strange.

So I looked up how much a flight would be from Salt Lake to Dublin, Ireland for a month....and surprisingly enough it was only $1,000. Not that I have a grand to just throw away on a trip....but I was expecting airfare to be WAY more than that. So maybe I'll get to go sooner than I think.... ....if I can actually manage to save up some money that is. :D

I want to write....I'm in writing mood....but I'm drawing a blank....and that little fact is sad to me. :( I don't really have anything interesting that went on today.... sad stuff.

So I guess I'll call it quits for now....I might write more later....if something hits me.

...confusion of sorts...

It's probably none of my business and I probably shouldn't be writing about it here either.... ..... but it's bothering me.... .... so out it comes.... I apologize to you (you know who you are) now if I'm outta line for posting this.

I've been talking to a friend who is currently on a deployment. He's frustrated because his girlfriend has a "bad attitude" towards the military. Apparently she wants nothing to do with the military or anyone in it. She thinks that if she is involved she will have to move all the time, up-root family, make changes. That's not true. My friend is trying to map out his career in the military..... .... I know that they (meaning men and/or women in the military) can get jobs....good jobs....stateside....and not have to move around. But she doesn't see it that way, and he's torn because he doesn't know what she wants. He wants to come home (25 days and counting) and just take a break.... .... have fun, get reacquainted with everything....she doesn't. She wants him to jump right back into school and get that going. Personally....I think he should take a break.... he's been working hard over there.....for this country and everyone in it.....because he knows it's what he has to do. He's never shied away from the fact that he's in the Guard and when they say go, he goes.

It just is .... surprising is one word ..... that someone can look at a solider and not really say what they are doing is 'wrong' but be, I guess I would say disgusted, with them/it. Some people may not agree with the war....fine....I'm not gonna start in on politics because I don't follow them enough to understand .... but I understand that a solider does what he is told and people should respect that.....whether or not said person believes in the reasoning or not.

It doesn't help that I'm a sympathetic person (to a point) with people.....especially my friends. He has enough to deal with on deployment and doesn't need the stress of a girlfriend hating every minute of what he is doing in order to make sure she can do what she is doing.

It just bugs me....to no end actually....he's become a good friend of mine....and I find it unfair that someone that means so much to him is in a way giving him an ultimatum of sorts....his country or her....not that it's gotten to that point....but from my standpoint that is exactly what she is doing..... ....it's just not fair in my eyes. I know, I know, life is not fair....but come on.....

Again I apologize if I'm outta line....

sunday afternoon

So this is what I did the other day at work....biggest box I've ever built....it was actually kinda fun. It was for a queen sized mattress and box spring. The best part was when the guy showed up to get it. He was driving a Taurus....it was great! :P


 I'm getting excited to go home. Trying to keep my plans to myself is hard though. People keep asking when I'll be in town, how long, if we'll hang out. I have to keep saying I don't know what my plans are yet. :S And me and secrets...well we get along....I just want to tell everyone how stoked I am to come home.

I'm not gonna lie I know I'm gonna worry about my financial situation for when I get back....but in order to keep that off my mind I guess I'll just have to have more fun to make up for it! :P Woot Woot!! :D

I'm hoping the 4th will be good this year. The last 2 years over the 4th here haven't been the best. They've been fun but not what I'm used to....and to be honest....I'm not a fan of the fireworks show here. It never seemed as big as they are back home. So hopefully I won't be disappointed. :P

Still looking for a new job. It's a little disheartening though to realize that I've applied to 5 or 6 different jobs in the last 2-3 months and nothing has worked out. I'm just hoping one of these days something will come through. :D Just gotta keep my head up right?!?!

I've decided that the next time I move....which would hopefully the end of this year....I've got to have a place with a view. It doesn't even have to be that great of a view. I mean I know several places that have better views than I have from my room....but I dig it! I'll gladly take a place on the top floor just for a better view! :D Most people hate climbing stairs....ha! doesn't bother me a bit. Maybe it's from the 2 1/2 years of living in dorms and having to climb stairs everyday. Oh the good times! :D

I really shuold be doing something productive today....but I'm just not up for it. It's a good day to be lazy in my opinion. :) Just chill and not worry about a thing. And the weather is helping make that idea a lot more appealing! :D

pity post--sorry--needed to vent

I can't believe how mad I am at myself. I sit here and just get pissed about the dumbest things and I have no idea why it even makes me mad in the first place and then being mad about something that I don't need to be mad about makes me even more mad! I'm driving myself nuts!


Like today. I told Varia weeks ago that when she went to the doctor I would drive her. But then today I get a text from Cody saying he wants to show me that place that he found the other day and that I need to  make sure to bring my camera and I get all excited b/c I want to go take pictures and I want to see this place cause he wouldn't tell me about it! But the doctor's took way longer than I was expecting so Cody & I didn't end up going....and it actually really pissed me off! And I sat there and thought "why am I getting so mad?!" I did something for my roommate and I know she appreciates it but I'm being selfish! And it was stupid of me but I can't help but be mad about it!


I was really excited to go. And of course to see Cody.


Which is another thing that is just stupid....why the heck am I getting so mad about not being able to see a man who probably doesn't give to craps about me anyways?!?!?! It's so pointless! And I get so mad b/c even if it's something so stupid and I don't care about it, when I hear his text message tone, I'm happy. Glad that he thought to text me, for whatever reason. And it's stupid! Nothing is gonna happen...it's going nowhere and I know it. And yet I still sit here and hope. Hope that he will change his mind, or actually make up his mind. I'm tired of wasting my emotions on all this pointless crap that, in the long run probably won't mean anything!


I started thinking about my trip home for Mandy's wedding too. I'm starting to dread it. I'm gonna have to face all my friends that I started off in college with and sit there and say "No, I'm not in school. Just working at a crap job that I hate", going nowhere, doing nothing. While they all are moving forward with there lives. Getting married, raising kids, graduating college and taking job offers in Alaska. I don't want to have to do that. I want to be able to say that I've actually done something with my life. And I haven't and I hate having to admit that. Especially to my friends.

I miss the tranquility of South Dakota. I needed to get away, somewhere outside, somewhere quiet to just go and think tonight....I couldn't find it. Granted I'm sure if I looked hard enough I could but back home I could have just driven 5 miles any direction and I would have been good. I love it here, don't get me wrong. It's beautiful and I know I can find places to go where it could be quiet and whatnot....but I'd have to go up into the mountains a ways and I wasn't up for a long drive tonight. But I needed to just go and sort things out in my head. Think them through. Let them run. And I couldn't. So I know all this stuff running around my head is gonna bug me til I can just let it do it's course. It sucks. And part of me does just want to throw it all out. Make someone listen to all of it, which in a way is what I'm doing here. But this isn't even close to all that's taking place...ugh.

today

First things first....we got a new roommate today...ugh. I haven't met her yet but I don't like having so many people live here...three is perfect...we don't need anymore than that. I don't know how we didn't all kill each other when there was 5 of us here.

Second, I had a good afternoon. Cody & I went up somewhere near Uinta National Forest and just walked around for a little bit. It was nice. Kinda funny. He showed me this bridge he and his dad built 11 years ago. He was surprised it was still there and standing solid. But it showed that he was proud it was still there & that it was something he and his dad did together. :D He has such great respects for his dad, which he should. It just makes me smile when he talks about his parents...I know he thinks the world of them,again, as he should. :D It was just a good afternoon. I wish I would have taken my camera though. I had it in my purse but left it in the car...dumb. :( oh well...all the more reasons to go again! :D

Anyways. That was my excitement for the day. :D

just something to bore you all with :P

I haven't done much of anything today...okay that's an understatement....I haven't done a single thing today except, sleep and read a book. Which you know I'm bored when I sleep in the middle of the day...I hate sleeping when it's daylight. I feel like it's a waste of a day. So it's been pretty boring but I did take some pics just now that I wanted to share. So bear with my weirdness. :P

This little bird has been perched on the very top of the tree right outside my window & for some reason I found it odd. He's just been sitting there...taking it all in I guess. Which I don't blame him. With the exception of Walmart across the street I have a pretty nice view.

Yes this picture is at a funny angle...but I like it! :D

This mountain is called West Mountain & I have actually been to the very top of it. It doesn't look it in the picture but it's quite a ways up. :D It was a bumpy ride up there but the view was well worth it! :D

I actually don't usually have my window blinds open (I have this weird fear of people looking in my windows....) but I've decided I should have them open more often. I like the view and oddly enough just opening my windows this evening put me in a better mood. :D

*Sidenote* I've had this urge all day to just write. I don't really know about what...but when I sat down to do it...nothing came out. I was just blank. It was strange. I had it in my head all day to write and write and write...and now nothing. Hmmm....

I've been thinking about school again. I looked up how much it would cost me to attend the Art Institute in SLC and for 4 years it would cost me a little over 90 grand. It's a lot of money and that enormous price tag is daunting to me. I've also been thinking about maybe just going back to UVU and getting a few of my basic photography classes out of the way but then when I think about it, I'm not sure they would transfer because the classes at UVU are for film photography and at AI it's digital photography. So I'm still up in the air about it.

To be honest, I really feel like I'm just stuck. Not really going anywhere. I look at all my friends who are finished with college and starting their lives, and where am I?! Not even close to being finished with school because I'm not in it, not liking my job, it just stinks. I'm not looking for pity or anything...and please don't tell me that "everything happens for a reason" or "things will turn around for you", I'm sick of hearing it all. I just want to get it off my chest. So please just let me.
I thought about it the other day & I've been graduated from high school for 5 years now. You know how they ask you "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", yeah...I sure didn't picture myself here. Granted I really do like living in Utah. It's beautiful and while I'm not a huge fan of the people, it's nothing personal. I'm just not a fan of people in general. :P But I always pictured myself graduated from college, with a career that I loved and possibly starting a family. I'm nowhere near that & it's a little disheartening when I think about it. However I keep telling myself that I have to look on the bright side. That something better is going to come along. Maybe that's why I don't want to hear "encouraging" words from other people, I'm sick of telling them to myself.

Well I know this ended up being a kind of a down-in-the-dumps post but maybe that was what my need to write was all about. Just to get it all off my chest.

Well until later...