you had a tone-like a protective older brother kind of thing-it threw me off-made me question-but I figured I knew what was right-I didn't-I should have listened-you are the one I trust-the one I know will always be there-I had let things go-moved on-you had-why shouldn't I?-I think it surprised you-as much as it surprised me-maybe more-you only wanted what was best for me-and I only wanted what was best for you-we both might be wrong-but you said not to think to much into it-it's me-I did-but I got over it-and then you came back-a rebuttal that I never would have imagined-what now?-we go on-like we always do-we'll make it-I have no doubts.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
letting you go
the long talks
the ease of quiet understanding
from day one
we clicked
simple conversations
to the true meaning of life
it's always comfortable
we can go months without
and it comes back
second nature
I've watched
listened
given advice
seen you hurt
held grudges against
those who took you for granted
I've seen you happy
wished you the best
but I never thought
it'd be so hard to let you go
the ease of quiet understanding
from day one
we clicked
simple conversations
to the true meaning of life
it's always comfortable
we can go months without
and it comes back
second nature
I've watched
listened
given advice
seen you hurt
held grudges against
those who took you for granted
I've seen you happy
wished you the best
but I never thought
it'd be so hard to let you go
now & always
glances unnoticed
simple smiles
perfect understanding
several envelopes,
stamps & pages
it's all written
never in stone
you know
I appreciate
forever & ever
now & always
up's & down's
The end of March 2008 I relocated to Provo. between 13 & 16 hours away from family & friends (depending). it was a scary, exciting & bold move on my part. the true reasons for the move are known among a select few, however I believe it was needed. I wanted to experience something other than South Dakota, something different that what I was born & raised in. understandable I think.
It's been tough since day one. Apartments not ready for move in or what was signed for. not having eaten anything for 12 or so hours took it's toll in form of passing out. living without furniture made for aching mornings. same type of job but being run differently, I had to adjust, adapt. missing my boy's first birthday was next to painful.
Things started looking up. a friend from four years before was passing through, gave me someone to hang out with, something to do besides work. birthday calls & unexpected gifts & parties. the job was getting easier. good days.
Unfortunate problems. school financial aid was at a stand still. I had been messing up at work. then the car stalls...literally. dead transmission. not knowing anyone. not knowing what to do. a breakdown in every sense of the term. long walks, my only mode of transportation.
Willingness to help made things go easier. long searches. another dealership turned down. losing hope, faith. bad days.
Looking up again. a vehicle had been found. the job had become easier & not as frustrating again. friends (from work at least) had been made. the long walks were only one way. the vehicle was bought. plans were made for visits. set in stone.
I just wanted a brief of life in Utah so far. it's been good, it's been bad, it's been fun, it's been boring. there is one fact that stands above all the others...it's absolutely beautiful. don't get me wrong, I appreciate the beauty of SD as well but it's a different kind of beauty here. amazing.
It's been tough since day one. Apartments not ready for move in or what was signed for. not having eaten anything for 12 or so hours took it's toll in form of passing out. living without furniture made for aching mornings. same type of job but being run differently, I had to adjust, adapt. missing my boy's first birthday was next to painful.
Things started looking up. a friend from four years before was passing through, gave me someone to hang out with, something to do besides work. birthday calls & unexpected gifts & parties. the job was getting easier. good days.
Unfortunate problems. school financial aid was at a stand still. I had been messing up at work. then the car stalls...literally. dead transmission. not knowing anyone. not knowing what to do. a breakdown in every sense of the term. long walks, my only mode of transportation.
Willingness to help made things go easier. long searches. another dealership turned down. losing hope, faith. bad days.
Looking up again. a vehicle had been found. the job had become easier & not as frustrating again. friends (from work at least) had been made. the long walks were only one way. the vehicle was bought. plans were made for visits. set in stone.
I just wanted a brief of life in Utah so far. it's been good, it's been bad, it's been fun, it's been boring. there is one fact that stands above all the others...it's absolutely beautiful. don't get me wrong, I appreciate the beauty of SD as well but it's a different kind of beauty here. amazing.
Friday, June 27, 2008
.::just to write::.
-softly we tremble-picture perfect-I'm not satisfied-am I supposed to be happy-you said that you would die for me-lost in our game-it comes with a price-you must live for me too-hands beg me to stay-your eyes say that you hate-doubt in your faith-I won't be the one-alone with all your secrets-don't lie-promise me the sky-chill me to the bone-what you don't take-not right today-laughs every time I fall-I can't add up to what you can-time to sink or swim-can't stop-the sun goes down-I feel that I've betrayed-looking over my back-I see what it is that's killing me-hard to trust-I can't believe-realize we are one-how I know-what will always live in me-hard to know which way to go-will it ever change-I know our day will come-open your eyes-I'll wait-make me feel better-why'd you have to go-part of me is dying-a broken heart-I dream-to pick up the pieces-I don't know you-tell me the truth-I love you-did you ever love me-swear to miss you-set me free-a chance to fix mistakes-space for thinking-a pitch black sky-don't waste this chance-it's only us-the last time-things may not always make sense-you got me-I know it's confusing-we did not plan it to be this way-everything happens for a reason-we don't know why-I'd do anything for you-I look around me-going through the motions-life won't wait-find the future-running circles-busy making your excuses-not gonna waste another moment-take what's mine-every wasted day becomes a wasted chance-I guess it's up to you-let me know-you are the only one that needs to know-we live such fragile lives-we survive-thoughts I can't deny-the memories shaking apart-as they go by-looking ahead-away from the streets we knew-days passed us by-tears run down my face-can't replace-this world turns cold-I can be the one-stand up with you-seasons are changing-through it all-you're my true love-please don't throw that away-tell me you'll stay-I will never let you fall-I've been waiting-tried to be perfect-everything you ever wanted-it's been so long-used to wait up-I fell to pieces-it's not my fault-I need you-to believe you-to be honest-left with the 'what-if's'-it's such a shame-no one really saw-promised everything-a lot like you-so much potential-looking for someone to love-feeling so faithless-walking in your shoes-so much more aware-holding to tightly-falling apart-another mistake-more than I can take-I may end of failing-all I want to do-tired of being what you want me to be-dreams are shattered-we held so dear-I'm not okay-wasting away-so far nothing's been the same-no matter what they say-how did things change-everything was fine-we started at zero-now we're all out-seems like just yesterday-I'm right where I belong-on a roller coaster ride-I'm looking at you-sitting all alone-how do you feel-an easy answer-remember what you're staring at-so much to question-it's just different-how much time has passed-always stumbling-look at me-never knew-who'd have thought-all the right breaks-I'm livin' my life-not tryin to be somebody else-won't ever let you down-don't let your dreams get too far out of sight-I'm lying here-what have you done-you left me-run as fast as I can-to the middle of my frustrated fears-I'll get out of here-I've got to say something-take back what's yours-have some respect-it gets tense-do you see-it's ironic-when the rich wage war it's the poor who die-a sky so blue-the ocean opens up-with hands held high-I wonder what my life's going to mean-
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
...I am...
March 8, 2008
I am always paranoid when reversing a vehicle
I don't like expensive chocolate
I talk about how bad it is to judge people you don't know but I do it too
I'm usually always cold & I don't like it
I don't like making my bed
I love to be barefoot
I can't go a day without listening to music
I'm gullible
I worry about what my friends think of me
It bothers me how the world relies so much on money & that according to a lot of society the more you have the better you are
I scare easily
I believe everything happens for a reason even though I rarely know what that reason is
I love writing
I don't have the same sense of humor as most
I'm pretty sentimental
April 4, 2008
I hate when people tell me things that they don't mean
I don't like living without furniture
If there is still daylight I will (most-likely) always have the blinds open
I'm easily annoyed, sometimes I show it sometimes I don't
I believe that honesty really is the best policy
I don't always like change but I understand it's inevitable
I appreciate Mother Nature's beauty
I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people
I like to re-write notes so they are neat
I like knowing the time
I'm afraid I'm not going to be a good mother
I absolutely love photography
April 20, 2008
I love having one day off a week to do absolutely nothing
I want to visit Ireland
I fear the day I lose one of my parents or siblings
I love random road trips (this one's for you J.Gurr)
I don't like confrontation
There are things in my life I wish I could take back but I know they have made me who I am today
I really don't like bugs
April 27, 2008
I am a hopeless romantic
I don't like shopping when there are a lot of people
If I had to choose between working in a group or working by myself, I would rather work by myself
May 18, 2008
I love when friends surprise me
Sometimes I over-think things
I'm a pretty sarcastic person (Noel understands)
I want to raise my children on LDS values
I would love to travel
I am not book-smart
I have random mood-swings
May 19, 2008
I'm a day-dreamer
In a way, I'm a pack rat
I try to be optimistic but it doesn't always work out
I love to just drive around & listen to music
Blue, white & black are my favorite colors
I love when it rains
May 29, 2008
I would love to have my own photography studio
I don't like being treated like I'm stupid
I enjoy the simple things
I like writing letters even though I rarely actually write them
I appreciate things more when I have to work for them
The only time I take naps are when I'm sick or really really bored
June 25, 2008
I can honestly say that I have the best of friends anyone could ever ask for
I've learned that we rely on material things way too much
I have never had the desire to re-live high school
Whoever said 20's are the best days of one's life never lived through them...struggling through college loans, rent, car payments & the desire to prove to everyone (including yourself) that you can make it on your own isn't exactly easy
June 29, 2008
I try to live one day at a time
I don't like making plans too far in advance for fear that they will fall through
I believe that we should live with no regrets
I am more of a morning person
I can't make fried eggs
At times I think I trust people to easily
When I say I'm "fine" it usually means there is something weighing on my mind
I think my best physical feature are my hands & I have no idea why
I love to ski & would love to learn to snowboard
I don't consider myself much of an "outdoor" person but I do like being outdoors
August 14, 2008
I really don't like road construction
I need more than two hours of sleep to fully function
When I'm bored I usually always hit up Walmart
I've come to realize that humidity really is a killer
I love being completely & totally random with my brother
I wish I didn't rely on a vehicle
October 12, 2008
I don't like confrontation
I try to be patient
I don't like to accept help from others
I worry about things that are so little & insignificant in the long run
December 22, 2008
I love to text message
My ipod is my savior
I like argyle and I don't really know why
I don't like wearing heels
I love reading
I like to cuddle
I can't survive the day without milk
I hate living paycheck to paycheck
September 9, 2009
I hate goodbyes
I really don't like people most days
I love football movies
I think sleeping next to someone is much better than sleeping alone
I think whoever invented flip-flops deserves a medal
I will ALWAYS choose Coke over Pepsi
I hate doing dishes
I have a really hard time having money & not spending it
November 26, 2009
I don't like intruding on other peoples' family holidays (even when I'm invited)
I really wish I could draw
I've decided I will never go shopping on Black Friday--no matter how good the sales are
I don't like using text/IM talk (ie: wut up w/u?--basically all the abbreviations--it's annoying)
I don't like gold jewelry
I wish I could hide my emotions better
I think my hands are my best physical feature
I have a ahard time ccepting compliments
I'm not an outgoing person
I am always paranoid when reversing a vehicle
I don't like expensive chocolate
I talk about how bad it is to judge people you don't know but I do it too
I'm usually always cold & I don't like it
I don't like making my bed
I love to be barefoot
I can't go a day without listening to music
I'm gullible
I worry about what my friends think of me
It bothers me how the world relies so much on money & that according to a lot of society the more you have the better you are
I scare easily
I believe everything happens for a reason even though I rarely know what that reason is
I love writing
I don't have the same sense of humor as most
I'm pretty sentimental
April 4, 2008
I hate when people tell me things that they don't mean
I don't like living without furniture
If there is still daylight I will (most-likely) always have the blinds open
I'm easily annoyed, sometimes I show it sometimes I don't
I believe that honesty really is the best policy
I don't always like change but I understand it's inevitable
I appreciate Mother Nature's beauty
I'm shy when it comes to meeting new people
I like to re-write notes so they are neat
I like knowing the time
I'm afraid I'm not going to be a good mother
I absolutely love photography
April 20, 2008
I love having one day off a week to do absolutely nothing
I want to visit Ireland
I fear the day I lose one of my parents or siblings
I love random road trips (this one's for you J.Gurr)
I don't like confrontation
There are things in my life I wish I could take back but I know they have made me who I am today
I really don't like bugs
April 27, 2008
I am a hopeless romantic
I don't like shopping when there are a lot of people
If I had to choose between working in a group or working by myself, I would rather work by myself
May 18, 2008
I love when friends surprise me
Sometimes I over-think things
I'm a pretty sarcastic person (Noel understands)
I want to raise my children on LDS values
I would love to travel
I am not book-smart
I have random mood-swings
May 19, 2008
I'm a day-dreamer
In a way, I'm a pack rat
I try to be optimistic but it doesn't always work out
I love to just drive around & listen to music
Blue, white & black are my favorite colors
I love when it rains
May 29, 2008
I would love to have my own photography studio
I don't like being treated like I'm stupid
I enjoy the simple things
I like writing letters even though I rarely actually write them
I appreciate things more when I have to work for them
The only time I take naps are when I'm sick or really really bored
June 25, 2008
I can honestly say that I have the best of friends anyone could ever ask for
I've learned that we rely on material things way too much
I have never had the desire to re-live high school
Whoever said 20's are the best days of one's life never lived through them...struggling through college loans, rent, car payments & the desire to prove to everyone (including yourself) that you can make it on your own isn't exactly easy
June 29, 2008
I try to live one day at a time
I don't like making plans too far in advance for fear that they will fall through
I believe that we should live with no regrets
I am more of a morning person
I can't make fried eggs
At times I think I trust people to easily
When I say I'm "fine" it usually means there is something weighing on my mind
I think my best physical feature are my hands & I have no idea why
I love to ski & would love to learn to snowboard
I don't consider myself much of an "outdoor" person but I do like being outdoors
August 14, 2008
I really don't like road construction
I need more than two hours of sleep to fully function
When I'm bored I usually always hit up Walmart
I've come to realize that humidity really is a killer
I love being completely & totally random with my brother
I wish I didn't rely on a vehicle
October 12, 2008
I don't like confrontation
I try to be patient
I don't like to accept help from others
I worry about things that are so little & insignificant in the long run
December 22, 2008
I love to text message
My ipod is my savior
I like argyle and I don't really know why
I don't like wearing heels
I love reading
I like to cuddle
I can't survive the day without milk
I hate living paycheck to paycheck
September 9, 2009
I hate goodbyes
I really don't like people most days
I love football movies
I think sleeping next to someone is much better than sleeping alone
I think whoever invented flip-flops deserves a medal
I will ALWAYS choose Coke over Pepsi
I hate doing dishes
I have a really hard time having money & not spending it
November 26, 2009
I don't like intruding on other peoples' family holidays (even when I'm invited)
I really wish I could draw
I've decided I will never go shopping on Black Friday--no matter how good the sales are
I don't like using text/IM talk (ie: wut up w/u?--basically all the abbreviations--it's annoying)
I don't like gold jewelry
I wish I could hide my emotions better
I think my hands are my best physical feature
I have a ahard time ccepting compliments
I'm not an outgoing person
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)